10 Things No one told me about Marriage
Since I’ll be married for a year on Sunday, I thought it was appropriate to make a Thursday Ten about some things I learned from the inside.
10. You don’t know what you feel until the ceremony.
Usually, weddings are emotional times for the bride because they ARE the center of attention. What nobody tells you is that it can just be as emotional for the groom. Everyone kept asking me all day if I was nervous and I kept responding that I felt fine. It seemed so simple to be marrying my best friend; I thought it’d be smooth sailing. WELL it was until we did the “no look” picture. We didn’t want to see each other before the ceremony so we staged a picture where I’m looking away with my eyes closed. The moment I touched my wife’s hand, I completely fell apart. It was starting to feel very real and I couldn’t hide my emotions anymore. So later I was fine again. Then I see my nieces (whom I’ve held as babies) walking down the aisle, and my friends and family being there on one of the most important days of my life, then it takes what seems like an eternity after everybody walked down and I finally saw my lady walking down the aisle. And I lost it. Keep in mind, I haven’t seen her dress or at all since the day before, and it was a little unnerving to feel that vulnerable. I don’t EVER cry and I felt a little embarrassed but happy at the same time.
9. Stupid fights don’t stop after the ring’s on your finger.
You will always have stupid fights. Granted, after your marriage, if you’re truly in love with your partner, you’ll be on Cloud 9 and it will definitely be the most romantic experience you’ll ever have. However, we even argued on our honeymoon and there was a “ring losing” incident. I’m not saying that you’re gonna fight all the time but if you’re human, it will be inevitable. As someone wise compared it to playing Super Mario Bros., sometimes you’ll want to jump over the cliff chasing after Yoshi, but the best thing is to stay on the ground and battle the Koopa attack together.
8. You can get married the way you want.
Of course, opinions will run high on how, where, when, who, etc. in consideration to your wedding. The point is to stay true to each other and plan the wedding the way you both want it. You’re gonna have to break a few hearts, but remember, it’s one day. People will get over it.
7. “Living in Sin”
Living together before you get married is probably the most important thing to do. You already farted in front of each other, heard each other pee, learned about each other’s cleaning habits, etc. This will be how they live when you’re married so it’s good to know what you’re getting into. It’s better to know now than break up the marriage because your partner doesn’t wash the dishes (which by the way, is an incredibly stupid reason). Some people say “why buy the cow if you get the milk for free” and some people may have kids and live together and never get married. But if marriage is in the cards for you, this is a good step to go through.
6. You have to have faith, regardless of religion.
Faith is when you believe in something you can’t see. You have to believe that things will turn out okay even when you have no control over it. Even after the wedding, you have to have faith in your partner and your relationship.
5. The honeymoon is not over.
A honeymoon is basically a trip you have after you’re a newlywed. This doesn’t mean you have to stop taking trips or being romantic. This is why there’s such things as second honeymoons. Keep the romance alive even after you’re married.
4. No one’s marriage is the same.
Don’t compare your marriage to someone else’s. You might think you will do something different when you have kids, or wonder why your partner doesn’t wine and dine you like so and so’s partner. Concentrate on your own marriage and forget about everybody else’s.
3. Keep your eyes on the prize.
You’re both stressed and nervous and you just want to have the best day possible for your wedding. The one thing I can suggest is pretend no one else exists except for the person you’re marrying. I’m not saying you should do this the whole day because you certainly have to talk to people and thank them for coming. The times you need to focus is when your partner’s walking down the aisle and your first dance.
2. You are now an extension of the person you married.
You don’t have to ask if they put your name on a card, if you have to go to their aunt’s 90th birthday, if they’re making enough food for both of you. You should assume the answer is yes. You don’t really do anything without thinking of your partner. You can’t even answer a question without seeking their input. Congratulations, you’re in a co-dependent relationship now!
1. You can break tradition.
We decided to do a “time capsule” which we should open soon, and it can be something we do in 5 or ten years. It’s always good to think about the future now that you’re married because it shows you’re in it for the long haul. We’re still gonna eat our wedding cake. I’m not sure where that tradition came from but we like it especially since our cake was delicious. I hope it still is!
A stroll down memory lane: