10 things you DON’T expect when you’re Expecting (At least from the guy’s side)
If you want to be an involved husband/father, and you’re in the modern age, there’s some exciting things to do while your wife is cooking up your child. There’s ultrasounds, feeling the baby kick, being blamed for everything in the delivery room. Ah, such a magical time I’m sure. Here are ten things I found to be unexpected while waiting for the bun to come out of the oven.
- Every story is different.
You always hear stories about morning sickness, late night cravings, aversions to certain smells. I’d like to think (although she could tell you her side) that compared to the previously listed, this pregnancy is going smoothly. My wife never threw up, and never claimed she needed pickle flavored ice cream at 3 in the morning. If and when we decide to have another kid, things might be different but I just expected every pregnancy to turn out the same way.
- You get an odd sense of jealousy.
You’re not jealous ‘cause you want to carry the baby in your uterus, nono. And if you’re a male reading this thinking that you have a uterus, then maybe you need to peruse a biology blog. The jealousy I’m talking about is all these things are happening inside and your wife tells you all about it, and you sit there like a doofus ‘cause you want to know what’s going on but you can’t feel anything. I hear further down the line, you’ll be able to feel the baby by touching the stomach but so far, it’s a no go. My wife will be like, “It moved. Did you feel that OMGITSSOAWESOME!” And I say “No,” and I get really sad haha.
- There’s a whole lot of nothing for a while.
Your wife is starting to show but not really, you feel like you want to do stuff for your wife but there’s really nothing you can do. Because you can’t feel anything inside, you just have to sit there waiting around. I don’t know if I expected that things would happen overnight but the some parts of having a child are a little underwhelming.
- Ultrasounds are freaky.
That’s the only way I can describe them. They’re basically taking an X-ray of your child so you see a tiny skeleton moving and dancing inside of your wife. I found it to be rewarding and a little unsettling. There’s a person inside of another person with bones and a beating heart and if that doesn’t freak you out, I don’t know what will hah.
- Picking names is no easy task!
Unless you had your heart set on a name since you were ten, picking names will probably one of the hardest things (you know, aside from popping a watermelon out of a lemon sized hole). It’s hard to agree on names, and find ones that don’t have any negative connotations, or ones that you like but your best friend or frenemy just named their baby. You don’t want a name that rhymes with a swear word or can be made fun of easily. If you name your baby Edamame but you don’t want them to call your baby Ed and lead a lifetime explaining that his name is special because it’s what your wife used to crave when she was pregnant with him. Please note, we’re not naming our baby Edamame. My advice is don’t stress out about it, don’t make a gigantic list of names you like. Narrow it down to a few names and focus on those. See how they work with your last name and if you have two favorite names and can’t decide, have one be the middle name. Make sure you think about it but don’t be too crazy about it. I just wish my parents were a little more creative with my name so I want to put thought into our baby’s name. Oh and you don’t have to tell people what you’re thinking of no matter how much they beg.
- You’ll need to prepare some answers.
No matter who you talk to, if they know you’re expecting a baby, you’ll get an onslaught of questions so you should be able to have some routine answers under your belt.
How’s your wife doing?
How far along is she?
Are you finding out the sex?
What are you having?
Do you have names picked out?
Are you excited?
Then they’ll probably give you advice or tell you a story about pregnancy that will make you want to keep your wife’s legs closed.
- Some doctor’s visits are a waste of time.
I mean they’re not a waste because you’re finding out if your baby is developing the way it’s supposed to and if it’s healthy. And hearing that little heartbeat just skips yours. But you expect miraculous things to happen every time because you’re taking time off work or you’re devoting your time to be there. You want it to be worth your while, and sometimes it won’t be.
- You’ll start noticing stuff you never noticed before.
You’ll start looking at babies more often than you did before. You’ll be thinking “That one’s cute, I hope mine’s like that one,” or “I hope I do a better parenting job than that one whose kid is throwing a tantrum on the floor.” You’ll start gushing over tiny shoes and looking at onesies in the stores. You never thought you liked or even cared about baby stuff but it gets to you at some point. Just go with it. Your wife will like that you give a damn.
- You’ll start worrying about stuff you never worried about before.
You tend to start thinking more about the future. You’ll begin to worry about how you’re gonna pay for diapers, or if you even know how to change a diaper. You’ll begin wondering what your baby’s gonna like and if it’s gonna have your big nose. You’ll wonder if you’ll be able to teach your baby things and help them grow up to be happy with good morals. The only thing you really need to worry about at this point is if it’s healthy. If the doctor says everything looks all right, you can breathe a sigh of relief. It takes someone else to assure you that things are looking good for your child even if you’re worried they won’t be.
- Your priorities change.
Remember when you had a lot of free time and you could just go to a movie when you wanted? Well now you’re registering for pacifiers and deciding what kind of theme you want the nursery to be. Just be there for your child because although you think it’s not about you anymore, in a child’s mind, it’s ALL about you.
There will most likely be an update along the lines of “Things you don’t expect once you’re here.” Haha
Have any good pregnancy stories? Leave a comment!