#Baby Observations

This made me laugh pretty hard.

This made me laugh pretty hard.

So, I kept a human being alive for two weeks now so I’m basically an expert now and now I can help you if you’re contemplating on having children. Here are my observations from the early stages of my baby’s wee little life:

1. You will change what seems like 4,000 diapers in a day. That’s exaggerating of course. It’s really only about 2,000.

2. Sometimes babies cry for no reason. Mine cries because there’s starving people in Africa.

3. The vacuum is a godsend. You used to hate vacuuming, but now you realized it soothes your baby to sleep. And it keeps your carpet looking clean. Win, win. FYI, the “white noise” apps aren’t as good as the real thing.

4. At this point, babies don’t give a crap about books but they can hear stuff so it doesn’t hurt to read to them even when they’re fresh out of the womb. Try to read books that you read while he was in utero.

5. The baby gods have told your baby that there is an invisible, malicious man called “Sleep” and they trained your baby to vanquish him. You must spend some time convincing the baby that this man means no harm.

6. Baby clothes are the work of the devil.

7. Find out where your local coffee shop/keurig machine is. You will frequent this often.

8. The books don’t really prepare you for the baby. It’s like reading a book about skateboarding and then actually doing it. It’s okay to use books as a reference, but it’s also okay to learn as you go.

9. Nobody trusts you even if you can validly shed some knowledge on the topic. What do you know anyways, you’re not a doctor?!

10. It’s not too early to start tummy time. Don’t expect a lot out of your baby the first go-round though.

I feel like there’s more but I’m tired and don’t feel like using my brain. Lateraxjkn../sd///////////////////////// <-that’s me collapsing on the keyboard from lack of sleep. jk (kind of) Good luck, new parent(s)!

Introducing Riley Matthew!

Introducing Riley Matthew!

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